kewl

happy new year.
I have to work but I really hope I can catch at least some of this.

honestly I can't figure out why it's such a big deal to people.
Going out on new years is always a huge debacle.  cover charges.  prix fixe menus.  crappy bands.  irresponsible drivers. not enough taxis.  vomit.  girl fights. boy fights.  dramatics.  

I don't understand why this night seems to be the most popular for kicking the shit out of oneself.

I'm not bias. I abuse myself on the regular. no excuse needed.

I never really do much for the ringing-in though.  maybe snuggle up into a board game with friends? family? I usually don't even drink much more than a glass of bubbles.

I'd say this is a sign that I'm turning into a wrinkled old prune of a woman but the truth is that I haven't cared for a long time.

actually, as I type this I realize that's true of a lot of things.

haha, my girlfriends in highschool could never figure out why I never got worked-up or upset about anything.  I always shrugged and said, "indifference is the key to happiness".  

do I still believe that?  maybe...

It kind of became my anthem and soon my friends started to follow suit.

They were never as good at it as I was though.

There's a certain kind of peace in it.   

apathetic zombie girl.  

I guess I care about more now, it's a conscious effort to let things go.  

Another hazard of aging.  

rut-stucking, opinionated, intolerant, geriatric fucks the world over have been light hearted and free spirited at some time in their lives.  I realize that it's not something that happens overnight, it's gradual, like hitting the dimmer switch.  

I'm ok though.  I like sitting in the dark.  it's comforting and quiet and warm and I'm not afraid at all.

I've written a lot more than I intended to.  that pleases me for some reason.  maybe because I haven't had much to say lately, thought I didn't have much to say today either.

I guess I was wrong.

love you guys... be safe.