élan vital

Things to consider...

Sleep. This is important. Food, clean house, hectic schedule, sleep. Jesus I need it but I can't seem to sleep for more than a few hours at a time. Drugs sometimes do that to you. Strange dreams that leave a creepy film behind.

My beautiful girl baby is big... teeth, fumbled walking, yelling at me already. 1st birthday soon.

Externship at the lab at kaiser is exciting and interesting and constantly evolving and I love it. Too bad I will be leaving there soon, one more week.

Work. It fucking HURTS my body to be there. After nearly 17 years of waiting tables, and 4 of them being at the zu... my knee is absolutely fucked, carpal tunnel, backaches. Most importantly though I just want to punch everyone in the face. It's good that I'm moving on.

It's been almost a year since I've really taken any pictures, I miss it. I have plans to start doing it again but it seems like the start date on that just keeps getting pushed back. Pesky life.

I have an ulcer, did I tell you that? It's insane, at my age, ridiculous. That one person should carry the weight of a lifetime on their shoulders at all times is so unnecessary. It pushes on my chest and tries to snuff me out. My limbs feel strange and far away. I grit my teeth. My face is flushed. Absent.

I'm here and away.

But I am, excited by this life and hopeful of the future, determined and proud of my accomplishments.

and something else, I want to do this regularly again. I want to create, take pictures, build, sew, rip and tear old into new. I want to see old friends and drink coffee in too-big sweaters.

yes, you... call me.

shuteye

I slept slept slept in today.

When I woke up it was ridiculously close to 2pm.  I didn't care, I wanted to go back to sleep.  I was having wonderful dreams about old friends and new adventures.  I was happy in the warm little microcosm of my fluffy fluffy bed.

damn this cruel cruel world and all it's harsh realities.  I had to take my final and be to work by 4.  Against all odds I made it to work, all huffa chuffa and barely on time just so I could stand around all night.

pbbt... hurry up and wait indeed.

Now that all of this scholastic nonsense is behind me I endeavor to do as little as possible for as long as possible without becoming a total waste.  I want to open my business... I can't do it now though.  I mean look at the state of the economy.  It would be nothing short of suicide.

I can do some other things in the meantime however.  I want to take a spanish class, maybe two if my head doesn't explode after the first one.  My kitchen spanish is pretty good.  My conversational spanish es mas y menos basura caliente.  my how I do try though.