a day in the life

"All the jocularity went out of my day when I arrived home to find that my house had been burgled."

this is an amazing sentence for a few reasons.

1) it contains awesome words

2) it is simultaneously amusing and saddening

3) it conjures rich visuals, that for some reason include a fat man's jowls.

upon stumbling onto this literary nonpareil I was immediately moved to create a witty apologue well beyond my writing capabilities...

well, you see my dilemma.

I long to write in witty forgotten words.  hilarious, yet descriptive ones that sound like "cattywompus" or painful, irreplaceable words like "pariah".  I want to replace my "without" with "sans" or "sin" and not have to assault the creative bank to do it.

ah well.  maybe another day...

hey!  maybe I could get into a freak accident involving encyclopedia brittanica's and wikipedia and then overnight become a hyper-intelligent-computer-head.  I could wear a mask and change my name and have access to boundless, yet mostly useless and partially inaccurate, information to better wow you all!!!!!

no...?  bad idea?

mk....

Peter Roget and the Thesaurusbrontus Rex

who ever created the thesaurus (peter roget) is a goddamn genius and it's time I shouted my love for him from the mountain tops.

Painful gropers the world round will testify to it's usefulness even though they probably won't because the whole purpose of a thesaurus is to make yourself look as though you don't need one.

"Thesaurus stands somewhere between pornography and Brodie's Notes on the embarrassment scale. Possession implies use. Use implies need. Need implies deficiency, whether of sexual partners, revision time or words. In the case of Roget, no one wants to admit to being dumb."
this is what "they" say. whoever "they"is...

I will admit. the thesaurus is, and has been my indispensable tool since college. once I discovered that there were words out there to describe what I really meant I swooned.

fucking beautiful.