what to expect when you're expecting demon spawn

well well well...

just where have I been?

I'll tell you where... with my head in the toilet for the last 2 months.

I think maybe it's prudent to start farther back a bit...

some of you know I haven't been feeling good.  fine.  whatever.  some of you even think I may possibly be dying or at the very least have mono or something since I've been sick for awhile now.

have you ever heard of occam's razor?

well in this case occam is mighty sharp because the most likely hypothesis is that I am *erp* pregnant.

*gasp!*  "the HORROR!!!!!

yes, I know.  all of you should start storing up canned goods and invest heavily in armor for your home.  As I type this I am currently growing the first of my minions to staff the army that will eventually successfully take over this planet, or at the very least, my neighborhood.

It's important to keep in mind that I will flog you heavily in the town square for uttering a bad word about my family, especially the one I am currently incubating, so all negative comments will be taken as threats against the throne.

also, let it be noted that I have sufficiently heard the semi-rhetorical question, "I thought you didn't want kids?" enough times that if I hear it anymore I will start to become hostile, and let's face it... for a 5'3 midge I can be a pretty scary bitch, so lets not push the creepy lady, mmmkay?

so yes, I have hung up the booze, drugs and... um well that's it, unless you count everything else that's good like sushi, caffeine, rare meat, raw oysters, and unbelievably, cold cuts.

I'll try to be around more, but honestly at 10 weeks I'm not over the affection for the vomitorium quite yet.  

so yes, all the pertinent info... healthy, moving around already, not sure of the sex yet but fairly positive it's a boy and also pretty sure I'll live through this.

vicki wants all the baby shower biz (god only knows why) and everyone will be expected to pay homage to the beast.  yes, boys too.  

yes, boys too.  

I may be pregnant and physically worthless but I'm still doing shit my way.