sneaky soggy

I'll try to make this short but I felt I had to relate this because it's just one of those things.

I simply cannot let it go or that goddamn rock will think it's won and I can assure you that it has not.  I'm onto it and it's mischievous ways, and I feel it's my duty to expose it for the hoodwink it is.  I will not allow it to parade around, fraudulently posing as a solid individual.  

So here I am, innocently traipsing along a beautiful trail tucked back into the moss laden forest near the old mill.  one trail seems particularly inviting so my cohort and myself engage.

Along the way we are chatting and laughing.  the trail is a bit soggy and sometimes muddy from the recent rains.  

I quip about how terrible stepping into a puddle can be.  how there's that moment of realization directly after and precisely before the water begins to fill your shoe and in due course saturate your sock with cold liquid, beginning it's work on prunifying, it's a word look it up (don't), your feet.

"yea", my companion replies.  "that sucks".

so eventually we come to a stream.  

"should we cross it?".  "well of course we should".

she crosses the river daintily, hopping from rock to rock lithely, gracefully, toes touching down lightly on the dry earth beyond.

Now it's my turn.  

I consider myself to be a sure-footed individual and have crossed enough streams in my day that one might revere me as a bit of an expert in that particular field.

so, like a professional, I test the rocks first, checking for slickery (also a real word) or loose rocks before I trust them with my well-being. 

all's well.

so off I go, confident that my reconnaissance mission has been successful, and that bastard, that rotten little fuck of a stone (if you can even call him that), decides to feign right, effectively throwing me off balance and causing my left foot to fall to it's icy, watery demise.

you ass clown.

you sneaky fuck.

I bet you think you're pretty slick.  I bet as soon as I walk around the bend you're going to start laughing with your little rock friends about your shoestring prank.  I bet you think you're something of a cool dude, a rebel...

well your not.

I am not impressed, rock.

not. at. all.