works twice as hard...

um.

what the shit?

my notebooks are gone.

both of them.

I looked under the desk, behind it, next to all the bookshelves (kitchen, office, dining room, living room) and even in the piles of hubris that surround my desk and my display cabinet that houses halo figurines and star wars legos.

they're gone!

since I don't have the memory space in my head, once I've written it I tend to forget it, so even though I had planned to continue my narrative of belize and all therein, alas...

I cannot.

so instead you get to listen to me ramble about infomercials.

now they've always been around, and they all basically follow the same template (it slices! it dices! no more mess!  but wait! there's more!!! etc...)

it seems that for an unspecified number of payments in installations of $29.99 one can procure nearly anything.

they are always really cool things too.  stuff that you swear is a miracle breakthrough, and if you don't buy it now while supplies last you will never own the chopper or picture hanging set of your dreams because they simply will not be available in stores.  ever.

you always think, wow, that is really smart and efficient and even fits easily into your purse in the rare event that you would like to pack along a blanket with sleeves.  these products are simply amazing and you're left wondering, "why didn't I think of that?  why hasn't someone thought of this before?"  come on people, we're supposed to be civilized and advanced, and all while the makers of the tater mitt and the shamwow are knocking our socks off.

there are other commercials that come on fairly late, they're not quite informercials, but they're definitely close so they deserve an honorable mention.

first and foremost is this erectile dysfunction commercial.  I don't know if you've seen this one but it's simply hilarious, chock full of innuendo, and makes me chuckle every time. it's one of those commercials that they show at every single break too, so you'd think it'd get old, but no, it never does.

It's a man dressed as santa, and there's a firm male narrative voice in the background.

he says that santa can give ladies what they really want for christmas.  the gift that keeps on giving now that he's got a sac full of confidence and some other hilarious garbage I wish I could remember.  there's even a new one that I caught last night featuring a penis pump with real life testimonials.  I thought they'd retired the penis pump in the 80's but I guess I was wrong.  or maybe it's making a comeback.  it figures it's okay because ugly clothes, hair, shoes, sunglasses and ridiculous music are also back in style.  

I find it amusing that these always come on late at night, as if women never stay up late...  the only informercials we get are bare minerals and diet pills.  it hardly seems fair.

I have a couple of friends that are mesmerized by some of these products.

One of them is obsessed with the cricut.  she simply must have it, even though she has no idea what the hell she'd do with it.  she dreams about owning one, the deluxe package so she can etch into glass, although she recently confessed to me that she thinks she enjoys wanting it more than she'd actually like to have it.

another called me and asked me if I'd seen these amazing clothing hangers, she was so excited about them that she shushed her neighbor in mid sentence to watch the rest of the commercial in rapt silence and then immediately called me to announce the marvelous treasure that she would soon be ordering.  "it's amazing", she told me.

my sister even bought a bender ball so she could do crunches without hurting her back.

the infomercial is an art form in itself, and there are too many incredible points to discuss but I do have to ask...

who the hell is this guy and how did he become the national spokesperson for all things fantastic?