élan vital

Things to consider...

Sleep. This is important. Food, clean house, hectic schedule, sleep. Jesus I need it but I can't seem to sleep for more than a few hours at a time. Drugs sometimes do that to you. Strange dreams that leave a creepy film behind.

My beautiful girl baby is big... teeth, fumbled walking, yelling at me already. 1st birthday soon.

Externship at the lab at kaiser is exciting and interesting and constantly evolving and I love it. Too bad I will be leaving there soon, one more week.

Work. It fucking HURTS my body to be there. After nearly 17 years of waiting tables, and 4 of them being at the zu... my knee is absolutely fucked, carpal tunnel, backaches. Most importantly though I just want to punch everyone in the face. It's good that I'm moving on.

It's been almost a year since I've really taken any pictures, I miss it. I have plans to start doing it again but it seems like the start date on that just keeps getting pushed back. Pesky life.

I have an ulcer, did I tell you that? It's insane, at my age, ridiculous. That one person should carry the weight of a lifetime on their shoulders at all times is so unnecessary. It pushes on my chest and tries to snuff me out. My limbs feel strange and far away. I grit my teeth. My face is flushed. Absent.

I'm here and away.

But I am, excited by this life and hopeful of the future, determined and proud of my accomplishments.

and something else, I want to do this regularly again. I want to create, take pictures, build, sew, rip and tear old into new. I want to see old friends and drink coffee in too-big sweaters.

yes, you... call me.

recoil

my... some time has passed.

rather than recap what was missed I'll just keep on though...

It's been a bit. have things changed? probably, but not too drastically. the only time I really notice it is when I want to whisk off to the city and can't due to babbins.

I notice I keep my second reality separate and only for myself.

In this one, I rock out to long forgotten music, drink too much for no reason and by myself, chat with friends online and write about my boring life in a way that seems exciting or at least interesting. in my other life I am super mom, I play with my daughter, do laundry, clean house, work, etc. It's actually awesome.

this debut from my hiatus, however, is imposing a bit of nervosa though... don't know why, no one reads these fucking things, but I feel like I'm supposed to entertain you bitches or something...