Can I do this?

Be so... unorthodox?

Yes, yes and yes.  But unusual, even I must admit.  These things that I want in my life.  Is it just as easy as that?  ask?  be perfect?  be accepted?

Such an incredible, amazing thing this is.  Full of trust and love.  Respect, understanding.  How did I get so lucky?  When did I become understood in such an amazing way?  I cannot describe the feeling.  Freedom to be who I am, without question.

People know all about me and love me anyway?
hallelujah.
for reals though.
for real.

lower our hands...

I'm AWAKE.

after a week straight of 3 hours/night snooze I should be dead to the world but...

I cannot sleep.  I have too much in my mind.  Too many ideas/memories/plans/hopes/fears/expectations, etc...

I want so much.  I feel I deserve these things because I was clean in my asking.  And good.  I try to be a good person.

Time ain't gonna fix it honey, time don't give a shit...

go straight ahead.  do it.
it's gonna split

I'm dirty, gritty and clean and organized all together.  How does this happen?  why?

FUCK IT

won't hold you
won't hold you

aw honey, aw honey

go ahead

élan vital

Things to consider...

Sleep. This is important. Food, clean house, hectic schedule, sleep. Jesus I need it but I can't seem to sleep for more than a few hours at a time. Drugs sometimes do that to you. Strange dreams that leave a creepy film behind.

My beautiful girl baby is big... teeth, fumbled walking, yelling at me already. 1st birthday soon.

Externship at the lab at kaiser is exciting and interesting and constantly evolving and I love it. Too bad I will be leaving there soon, one more week.

Work. It fucking HURTS my body to be there. After nearly 17 years of waiting tables, and 4 of them being at the zu... my knee is absolutely fucked, carpal tunnel, backaches. Most importantly though I just want to punch everyone in the face. It's good that I'm moving on.

It's been almost a year since I've really taken any pictures, I miss it. I have plans to start doing it again but it seems like the start date on that just keeps getting pushed back. Pesky life.

I have an ulcer, did I tell you that? It's insane, at my age, ridiculous. That one person should carry the weight of a lifetime on their shoulders at all times is so unnecessary. It pushes on my chest and tries to snuff me out. My limbs feel strange and far away. I grit my teeth. My face is flushed. Absent.

I'm here and away.

But I am, excited by this life and hopeful of the future, determined and proud of my accomplishments.

and something else, I want to do this regularly again. I want to create, take pictures, build, sew, rip and tear old into new. I want to see old friends and drink coffee in too-big sweaters.

yes, you... call me.

recoil

my... some time has passed.

rather than recap what was missed I'll just keep on though...

It's been a bit. have things changed? probably, but not too drastically. the only time I really notice it is when I want to whisk off to the city and can't due to babbins.

I notice I keep my second reality separate and only for myself.

In this one, I rock out to long forgotten music, drink too much for no reason and by myself, chat with friends online and write about my boring life in a way that seems exciting or at least interesting. in my other life I am super mom, I play with my daughter, do laundry, clean house, work, etc. It's actually awesome.

this debut from my hiatus, however, is imposing a bit of nervosa though... don't know why, no one reads these fucking things, but I feel like I'm supposed to entertain you bitches or something...

and the beat goes on...

It's unfortunate that my posts have degraded into little more than quick updates on the state of my affairs.

I'm not gonna do anything about that though.

at least not for awhile. It's hard work growing people and I've really got my hands full these days.

Most everything is going well but there is one aspect that definitely is not. I won't go into it but suffice to say that it weighs on me on the unhappy occasions that I am reminded of it.

In other news, the dog is awesome. we kept her shelter name, Nikki. It seems to suit her. she's really well behaved and pretty calm for a puppy. She's settling in nicely. The cats don't seem to mind her either.

school starts wednesday. I'm excited and also a little nervous.

Shawn is good but I'd like to see more of him.

I guess that's all for now...

and the winner is...

so...

It's a girl!

yup.  we were really hoping for a boy but I'm not gonna throw her back or anything.

as far as updates in other news...

hot water heater is finally fixed after they tried to charge us an xtra $1350 on top of the $850 we were already paying them.

kudos to shawn for getting the guy to come back on his own time to install it under the table. it only ended up costing us about $60 more than the original estimate instead of our first born.

we got the dog!  got the call back on tuesday.  we can pick her up next week after she gets spade.  (see pic from 2 posts back)

still really busy, in reality though I think it's busier in my head than it is in the really real world.  in time though they'll be one and the same...

the not-so-great escape attempt

when I woke up this morning it felt like my demon spawn was literally trying to rip it's way out of my midsection with its soft, flexy fingernails.

this lovely overture lasted from 5am until around 10 when I went to the ER.  from there, it stopped, waited until right before they did my 2nd sonogram and then... wait for it... steady... ATTACK!

ugh.

it hurt like a bitch but baby's fine (of course).  dr. thinks it's mostly caused by all my scar tissue from all my surgeries.  skin, organs, etc are trying to move/stretch and won't!  or rather, it will but not without bitching about it and trying to drag me to hell first.  

the good news it that this will continue to happen as long as baby continues to grow so thank god for that.

they offered me percocet for the pain but nah.  tylenol is fine.  and they kept me for-fucking-ever so I was ready to eat my foot or digest my baby or resort to the half melted atkins bar in my purse.

It was awful, haha.

so after half portions of the following:

chile relleno burrito

pint of ben & jerry's americone dream

flan

can of rootbeer

and a nap

I am starting to feel like a person again.

The lab tech told me the sex of the baby but I want to confirm with my appt. in ucsf before I repeat the verdict so... stay tuned.

oh!  while I was at the hospital they installed my new sleep number bed and it is the most divine thing ever.  I think we're going to be very very good friends.

dog eat dog world...

sooo...

stuff is crazy around here but despite it all I'm doing fairly well and am pretty happy.  I think my baby is steadily feeding me happy hormones like drugs since I can't have any fun right now...

good baby.

mk so lets see, the hot water heater blew up the other day, promptly thereafter I blew up and now my sister permanently hates my guts and is moving out, we might be getting a dog (refer to picture), we have a new bed coming tomorrow (sleep number!), new water heater coming monday (which is retarded expensive), sonogram on monday (hopefully find out sex!), start school at the end of this month, finished painting the baby room but now sis (the one that doesn't hate me) is painting awesome adorable mural on wall, shopping for a new car and selling truck... anything else?  oh! going to st. louis early next month to meet the rest of shawn's family, starting a cult and declaring myself as the one true saviour... and that's all I can think of right now even though I know there's more, lots more.

whew *wipes brow*

how are you guys doin'?

peckish and pokey

I'm starving.

all the time.

It's totally annoying.  It's like I live in a food desert.  (did someone say dessert? no, fatty)  I would no sooner leave my house without some sort of food in my possession than I would leave for the desert sans water.

the scary part is that aside from my demon bowl (aka pot), I'm not getting any bigger.  I haven't even gained any weight.  

where the hell is all this food going?!?

aside from this great food debacle I am finally feeling better.  feeling better = only feeling pukey occasionally instead of every waking moment.  and although I still want to sleep nearly all the time I am actually getting a little energy back.

so what's new you might ask... ?

well... I'm going back to school.  I should be starting next month.  I'm finally going to realize (one of) my dreams and become an official bloodletter (phlebotomist).  they'll pay me and everything!

Shawn and I have a couple days off together so we're going to paint the nursery and spend good solid money we barely have on bebe furniture, and I don't mean that swanky brand name sparkly tshirt brand...

I'm starting to get fat enough that people are tentatively asking my sister in hushed voices if I'm pregnant?  so as not to upset the beast.  haha, I can't wait until someone asks me directly just so I can feign offense and say, "NO.  I am NOT pregnant".  haha.  and then wait for them to feel like an asshole before I laugh out loud about it.  

no, really, they'll think it's funny too, I promise...

a day in the life

"All the jocularity went out of my day when I arrived home to find that my house had been burgled."

this is an amazing sentence for a few reasons.

1) it contains awesome words

2) it is simultaneously amusing and saddening

3) it conjures rich visuals, that for some reason include a fat man's jowls.

upon stumbling onto this literary nonpareil I was immediately moved to create a witty apologue well beyond my writing capabilities...

well, you see my dilemma.

I long to write in witty forgotten words.  hilarious, yet descriptive ones that sound like "cattywompus" or painful, irreplaceable words like "pariah".  I want to replace my "without" with "sans" or "sin" and not have to assault the creative bank to do it.

ah well.  maybe another day...

hey!  maybe I could get into a freak accident involving encyclopedia brittanica's and wikipedia and then overnight become a hyper-intelligent-computer-head.  I could wear a mask and change my name and have access to boundless, yet mostly useless and partially inaccurate, information to better wow you all!!!!!

no...?  bad idea?

mk....

this post needs no title

my life now consists of...

bizarre food pairings.  

*shawn*  "you want cole slaw and oranges for dinner?  really?  ok..."

vomiting out of thin air for no apparent reason and without warning.

"no, really mom I feel HACK cough choke splat *wipes mouth* fine..."

being completely out of breath because I had to walk from one end of the house to the other.

*chris* "why the hell are you so out of breath?  all you did was bring the laundry in..."

and, *sigh* my favorite, being so backed up that you'd swear I lived on a very strict diet of cheese cheese and more cheese.  

there's more... oh lord there's more, and I haven't even gotten to the yucky bits yet...

what to expect when you're expecting demon spawn

well well well...

just where have I been?

I'll tell you where... with my head in the toilet for the last 2 months.

I think maybe it's prudent to start farther back a bit...

some of you know I haven't been feeling good.  fine.  whatever.  some of you even think I may possibly be dying or at the very least have mono or something since I've been sick for awhile now.

have you ever heard of occam's razor?

well in this case occam is mighty sharp because the most likely hypothesis is that I am *erp* pregnant.

*gasp!*  "the HORROR!!!!!

yes, I know.  all of you should start storing up canned goods and invest heavily in armor for your home.  As I type this I am currently growing the first of my minions to staff the army that will eventually successfully take over this planet, or at the very least, my neighborhood.

It's important to keep in mind that I will flog you heavily in the town square for uttering a bad word about my family, especially the one I am currently incubating, so all negative comments will be taken as threats against the throne.

also, let it be noted that I have sufficiently heard the semi-rhetorical question, "I thought you didn't want kids?" enough times that if I hear it anymore I will start to become hostile, and let's face it... for a 5'3 midge I can be a pretty scary bitch, so lets not push the creepy lady, mmmkay?

so yes, I have hung up the booze, drugs and... um well that's it, unless you count everything else that's good like sushi, caffeine, rare meat, raw oysters, and unbelievably, cold cuts.

I'll try to be around more, but honestly at 10 weeks I'm not over the affection for the vomitorium quite yet.  

so yes, all the pertinent info... healthy, moving around already, not sure of the sex yet but fairly positive it's a boy and also pretty sure I'll live through this.

vicki wants all the baby shower biz (god only knows why) and everyone will be expected to pay homage to the beast.  yes, boys too.  

yes, boys too.  

I may be pregnant and physically worthless but I'm still doing shit my way.

post secret

I don't have much to say right now so I thought I'd share one of the most touching, tragic, beautiful, disturbing, interesting and completely human community art projects I have ever encountered.

I read it every sunday.  I never miss it.

It quiets me.  looking in on other's secrets, like a dirty voyeur. invited to violate.  

these pictures and words scream, and I create in my mind for every post a face to go along with each dark debut.  

I wonder what abstruse, shrouded disguise would work its way from my own pen if I were to attempt to post a secret.  do I have any secrets?

must feelings or events meet specific criteria in order to be considered cloak-and-dagger?

If you've never told a soul but the event is horrifically boring and unworthy of breath does it qualify?

or is it simply something you've chosen to keep to yourself... maybe for no reason other than you were tired of talking that day?

I think it must make you feel dirty, wrong or guilty if it wants to make the grade...

what do you think?

junket terrace

I haven't been spending much time on the computer.  

I really haven't felt like it, been sick, reading, playing video games, etc.

I'm kind of in a strange place.

like a train station.  I have my transfer in my hand but I'm just not sure where my connecting trip picks up at.  does that make sense?

every few years or so something(s) happen(s) that change the course of your life completely.  a lot of people miss these moments, not fully appreciating them for what they are until they look back years later.

not me.  I am completely aware when I step up to the forks.  

I take a deep breath and hope I've gone the right direction.  it's always a gamble, you never really know how it's going to work out.

situations doomed to awesome or terrible with no shades of mediocrity.

so it's that time for me again.  re-evaluate, turn over leaves, put back in the oven, touch up the paint.

so... I'll see you when I get back

Wii love it

yup.

we got a wii.  I've been wanting one for awhile now, mostly for the wii fit.

I love nintendo.  they have been the leaders in innovation, handhelds and kickass classics for a long time now.  I've been to cube clubs to play unreleased games on high def t.v's with dj's spinning and fun merch there for the taking.

I'm completely loyal, regardless of what they may say about this console being "for kids".  

honestly, these people can punch themselves in the face.  animal crossing may look like it's for 5 year olds but ya'll betta belee, it's fun.

I had the original nintendo.  mike tyson's punch out.  zelda.  mario bros.  metroid.  etc.  

I had the super nes.  again, all the classics.

I waited up all night when the gamecube came out, outside in the cold, in the middle of winter to be one of the first to own this magnificent entertainer, and to escape the inevitable absence of said gaming stations for months on end.

so after a seriously lengthy wait, I have finally procured the wii along with fit.

Now, I remember watching a short video literally years before it's debut, showcasing the possible new idea for a console.  I thought it was brilliant, a totally new and ingenious way to play, one that didn't involve getting extra fat.  

I had chalked it up to an abandoned project and had forgotten all about it when it was finally released.

so, to continue, I made shawn pick it up while I was at work so that I could immerse myself in this glory upon abode arrival.  my sister, not much of a gamer, sent me a text message while I was working that read, "this wii fit is awesome!"

I couldn't wait to get home, and disappointment didn't greet me at the door.  

my sister excitedly babbled about the mini games they had played.

shawn had moved the couch to the far end of the living room in a campaign to create "more room for activities".

This thing is, well, awesome.  It's fun.  It's good for you.  It's ridiculously unrealistic about your BMI in a very flattering way.

wii sports is also extra fun, bowling, tennis, softball.  I can completely see myself drunk as fuck and babbling with house guests while I lose ten frames.  I haven't even played all of these games.  we haven't even downloaded the classics yet.

the best part?  it's in the living room instead of in our bedroom like the xbox is.  I no longer have to vie with shawn for quality time with the virtual babysitter.

hurray for technology.

3 cheers for fun.

hip hip for fitness.

ya-fucking-hoo for me.

yay!

addled eyes

okay so I haven't been online hardly at all over the last few days.  in fact, it took me literally hours to go through all my messages, so I should definitely remember that the next time I go slacking off.

shawn has had a few days off, which has definitely contributed to my truancy, but he's not entirely at fault.  compiled below is a list of scapegoats (though not in order of culpability).

a) shawn

b) my job (it gets in the way of so much)

c) books that have my attention

d) adventuring

and finally,

e) my new pills are making me extra sleepy

so let's see what's new, shall we?

I had a pretty bizarre dream last night that was rapidly fading so I scribbled it down into my dream journal before it was gone completely.  

christine left for seattle on thursday, which meant that we had the house to ourselves for the weekend.  this was particularly nice because we don't get a lot of time together completely alone together.

the following morning I awoke with an urge to visit the mystery spot in santa cruz.  I'd never been, had always wanted to go, and was in need of a wacky adventure.  

shawn is ever willing so off we went.

it was a long drive but the ride was spent in good conversation and I hardly noticed the time it took to get there.

after purchasing our tickets from a thoroughly bizarre old man at the ticket booth we perused the tacky gift shop.  I bought a book called, "weird california", full of curious locales to visit.  I have already decided on my next traipse, the wave organ in san francisco.  I have never heard of this and I plan to visit the cliff house sutro bath ruins while I'm there.  I've been before but shawn hasn't and I'd like him to see it.

to forge ahead on the mystery spot topic...

you have to actually have a tour guide and can't wander around on your own but as it turns out, you almost need one, and it's certainly better to have someone with you that (sort of) knows what the fuck is going on.  our tour guide was weird, looked like a leprechaun and was a little creepy but informative.

they're not entirely sure what's causing the disturbance in this particular neck of the woods but there are a few theories.  the most plausible is that there is a large magnetic rock bed underneath this particular stretch that causes a shift in gravity.

other theories include...

a spaceship buried underground

optical illusions caused by the tilt of the house itself 

a vortex somehow connected to the bermuda triangle (wtf?)

paranormal activity

and

high velocity soft electrons or carbon dioxide exiting the earth, among others.

none of these theories explains the depth perception disturbance in outdoor areas where a horizon line is present, the fact that brooms stand on end, severe disorientation and motion sickness even though you're not moving, absolutely no birds or animals of any kind can be heard or will nest in this area, compasses do not work, trees grow in spirals, the coriolis effect is backwards and the inconsistency of the phenomenon itself.  sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

regardless of the cause, there is certainly an effect.  it was interesting to say the least, but it was disorienting and I felt something strong and pulling at my center.  it was worse in some places over others, which also doesn't fit into the whole "tilted house theory".

whatever the case may be...

you should check it out, it's one of those nerdy, fun-for-the-whole-family dealy-o's.

invasion of the kitty snatchers

while perusing some of my favorite blogs this morning, I stumbled upon this.

seriously???

is this real?

is there any way in hell that it could be?

I am at a complete loss for words, but you know I'm gonna try anyway.

If the text is too small for you read, let me assure you that an article like this defies the laws of nature, unless you happen to roughly be of the same stature as grape ape or the jolly green giant.

it essentially says that a fireman "accidentally" inhaled a kitten while trying to give it CPR.

what the FUCK.

now, this kitten is 6 oz.  

6 ounces!  

we have 3oz. lamb chops at the zu and I'm pretty sure you couldn't inhale one if you tried very very hard and wished with all your might. so, based on that information it's pretty safe to assume that the inhalation wasn't a draw in at all so much as a terribly gruesome carnivorous act.

this fireman is obviously a sick individual with a taste for raw (albeit slightly charred) flesh!

he saw his moment and he took it.

even more unbelievable?

animal rights activists plan to honor him.

no way!

peta would have your ass in a sling for calling a donkey an asshole, let alone swallowing a live kitten whole.

this is a lie.  an errant fraud,  much like bonsai kittens.

pied-à-terre

writing publicly is usually a bad idea when one has been partaking of the ol' drinky poo.

the lamenting usually discloses much more than the writer ever intended, and is sure to be the cause of more than one embarrassing moment on the event.

thank god for the delete option, because once you've re-read the entry in a sober state, you're sure to find that you are a complete idiot while intoxicated, and so fervently attempt to stop anyone from noticing this.

I personally could give a fuck less right now.

while I'm not a complete mess, nor even drunk per se, I am definitely impaired.  usually common sense would dictate that I should forgo the following ingression, but again, I don't particularly care much.

what I'd really like to talk about is this house I've been obsessing over.

those of you that have talked with me recently have probably heard speak of this, and are also probably likely as not tired of hearing about it.  If this is the case, please feel free to stop reading... 

now.

It has a ridiculous charm that I cannot evade.  I'm drawn to it in the way that a fat fuck might be drawn to a doughnut.  I cannot stop thinking about it until I have it or it becomes unavailable.

All night long at work, which was quite busy for me, I couldn't stop daydreaming about it, and would tell anyone who would listen about its wily allure.

the bizarre bit is that I haven't even seen the inside.  sure there are pictures, but nothing can substitute the tour.

it's quirky, there's no denying that, and while it seems to superficially match my particular personality, that's not the only reason why I want it so badly.

It's not in a good neighborhood.  not terrible, but not good.  It's on the corner of a main, busy street.  the kitchen, while always such an important feature to me is not as I would prefer it to be, and yet I am willing to ignore all of these flaws and move right in immediately.

It strikes me that this is a dangerous preoccupation.  a trap as it were.

I imagine demon-like creatures eating my soul like psychic vampires, never sated.  I envision naughty malevolent beings that like to throw my belongings across the room.  evil bastards that will never let me sleep or have peace.  a preconceived sanctuary that will prove to be a most frightening place.

still, I feel that I absolutely must have it.

I am attempting to make arrangements to see the property in question.  shawn, as always, is constantly accommodating and repeats for the millionth time over the course of our relationship that I may do as I please.

it's a good thing because I would do it anyway.

I desperately need to enter this space, and I'm not entirely sure why.  I may find after entering that the energy and layout inside is intolerable, but still, I sally forth.

by the by... this particular property has been sold and sold and sold again quite frequently over the last few years.  this strikes me as unusual and may be the source of my anxiety.

anxiety or not though... 

I am intrigued, engrossed, suspicious, absorbed, and in pursuit of chancy grounds.

and I remain hopeful, hopeful, hopeful

traits and observations

the intercom from the school across the street is loud enough for me to hear it, but not coherently.

my palms are sweaty.  I'm hot and cold together at once.

my house is quiet but for the percolating gurgle of the fish tank.  the fish are so fat they can't swim straight and I always wonder how they continue to live, but they do.

my coffee tastes burnt but I'm drinking it anyway.

I want to go to the ruins on soda canyon road but don't know how to get there.  I've tried to find them twice now.  luck is not a lady.

there's nothing good on t.v.  I recorded a program on pompeii but when I tried to watch it the entire show was in spanish and I could only understand half of it.  they said it was narrated by leonard nemoy but they lied.  leonard nemoy doesn't speak spanish.

I feel slightly nauseated and then fine in intervals.  it strikes me that this is probably what's implied by the phrase, "waves of nausea".

the bamboo plant on the speaker has had one burnt leaf on it for years now.  I put a candle too close to it once.  

my sister bought a new puzzle.  it's mine now.

dozens of birds were ceaselessly screaming and congregating in the old tree behind my house. upon investigating, I found a large raccoon winding through the branches, alone, in the middle of a sunny day.

I want an adventure.  I will have one soon.

my pictures of tikal are impatiently waiting for me to pay attention to them.

I want to buy a new house.  not in this town. 

I hate it when people repeat themselves.  it's annoying.  when people make me repeat myself I want to flay them and hang their bodies from the rafters.  this reaction looks like a red thought.

I'm extraordinarily insecure and cover it up with a feigned air of indifference.

my favorite socks have a hole in the heel.  I knew I wouldn't have them forever but I'm not ready to say goodbye.

I complain that I "have to do everything" but won't allow others to do anything because I feel like they'll fuck it up.

I'm obsessed with stories of the dead.  ghosts.  murders.  mysteries.  deserted towns that echo. I'm frightened and hopeful that the feeling of being watched is not imagined.

I want to be alone most of the time.  I am as often as possible.

sometimes I say "die" instead of "bye" to customers when they leave the restaurant.  If they're mean I give them regular when they ask for decaf.

I make myself laugh and like it when I make you laugh too.

now.  please.  add yours to my list.

around the bend

I had an appointment with my shrink today.  I think most of you know by now that I'm certifiably crazy, and those of you that don't could've probably guessed it.

anyway, while he was making notes in my little folder that is reserved for writing down observations about my mental state, I peeked at his handwriting.

an indecipherable scrawl, he is a doctor after all.  

this indicates that he is secretive, closed-up and likes to keep his thoughts to himself and this is precisely how I perceive him to be.

aside from this, why can no doctor on the face of the planet write legibly?!  additionally they all seem to write identically, like old people.  I feel that in the case of geriatrics it is more a product of their education during a specific era, and less about being a complete jerk on purpose.  

It is possibly the most annoying thing about these bones and it makes me wonder if they practice the doctor chirography while in med school, like professional athletes fashion their autographs before going pro.  do they do this to hide their real notes from us in the event that we get our hands on these precious documents?  in all actuality do they say things like "this guy is a drug seeker" or "hypochondriac".  or worse, like "this lady is a complete cunt, give her whatever she wants and get her out quick!"  

The second quality I noticed was that his cuneiform slanted to the right.  allegedly this announces that he is outgoing, friendly, impulsive and emotionally open.  

My doc doesn't strike me as the enthusiastic party guy that this interpretation implies, but who knows what he does in his free time.
maybe he's a swinger.  maybe he goes to nightclubs and brings lesbians home to his wife so they can participate in bizarro sex rituals somehow involving safety words like "banana".

who knows... 

honestly I couldn't care less whether or not he is a sexual deviant.  I find him interesting, and somewhat unusual. 

I actually didn't like him at all when I first started seeing him.  he bugged me out and gave me the heebies.  his office is too bright and stark and there is an audible hum of light fixtures.  the ambiance messes with my eyes, giving me a mild case of tunnel vision and serious anxiety.

I squirm uncomfortably in the too-big armchair, avoiding eye contact, fidgeting and picking at my nails.

I hated my visits, but one day that changed.

I told him something or other, I don't remember what, and he simply replied that, "life can be perverse".

this struck me as one of the most brilliant things I've ever heard.  the morbid girl in me adhered to this statement with utter delight, and just like that, I found that I was beginning to like him on some strange level and could now tell him things that he would understand in a way that no one else could.  

I know this is his job, but I was impressed.