kewl

happy new year.
I have to work but I really hope I can catch at least some of this.

honestly I can't figure out why it's such a big deal to people.
Going out on new years is always a huge debacle.  cover charges.  prix fixe menus.  crappy bands.  irresponsible drivers. not enough taxis.  vomit.  girl fights. boy fights.  dramatics.  

I don't understand why this night seems to be the most popular for kicking the shit out of oneself.

I'm not bias. I abuse myself on the regular. no excuse needed.

I never really do much for the ringing-in though.  maybe snuggle up into a board game with friends? family? I usually don't even drink much more than a glass of bubbles.

I'd say this is a sign that I'm turning into a wrinkled old prune of a woman but the truth is that I haven't cared for a long time.

actually, as I type this I realize that's true of a lot of things.

haha, my girlfriends in highschool could never figure out why I never got worked-up or upset about anything.  I always shrugged and said, "indifference is the key to happiness".  

do I still believe that?  maybe...

It kind of became my anthem and soon my friends started to follow suit.

They were never as good at it as I was though.

There's a certain kind of peace in it.   

apathetic zombie girl.  

I guess I care about more now, it's a conscious effort to let things go.  

Another hazard of aging.  

rut-stucking, opinionated, intolerant, geriatric fucks the world over have been light hearted and free spirited at some time in their lives.  I realize that it's not something that happens overnight, it's gradual, like hitting the dimmer switch.  

I'm ok though.  I like sitting in the dark.  it's comforting and quiet and warm and I'm not afraid at all.

I've written a lot more than I intended to.  that pleases me for some reason.  maybe because I haven't had much to say lately, thought I didn't have much to say today either.

I guess I was wrong.

love you guys... be safe.

you're not the boss of me. i do what i want.

I like telling people what to do.

I mostly just do it to see if they'll do what I tell them to, or to see their reaction.
I like to do it to people that it's inappropriate for me to boss around.

Like my boss.

the funny part is that they usually do it.
somehow by acting like you're in charge in a calm way, other people actually believe that you are.

People are afraid of me. me and my whole 5 feet and 3 inches.
I get away with so much shit.

this is hilarious to me.

i take the lead

take that, you selfish fuck.

you've been sapping my energy all day, dictating what I do and when I do it.

you think you can just walk in and take everything over?

oh no.  not with me you can't.  

I'm going out this weekend and you can't stop me.

I'm stronger than you and I will persevere until I get what I want.

yes you, dick fuck, you fucking ass clown.

yes, I'm talking to you, rhino.

go fuck yourself.

noteworthy bourgeois

I'm crazy.  It's been official for some time now.  It wasn't any one thing that pushed me over, it just happened over time.  crazy people are effectively taking over the world.  It's like a pandemic, with more people falling prey to it's clammy clutches every day.

It could be you next.

I'm okay with it.  

I had an appointment with my shrink this morning.  He adjusted my meds, no big deal.

As I was getting ready for work I noticed that one of my pupils was bigger than the other.  

somehow I don't think this is a good thing.  I'm not entirely worried about it but I guess I will be if it doesn't correct itself soon.  kinda creepy.

In brighter news, I got an A in my business class.  I knew I would but it still makes me happy.

I have a cold.  My head is so congested I can't see straight.  I blow my nose every five minutes.  I sneeze every 15. 

I'm fucking miserable.

have a nightmare have a notion

I found my dream journal.  Truth be told, it was never exactly lost.

It was always there in plain sight, I merely forgot it.  

It hung around on the sidelines until I finally paid attention, like a kid sister you're subconsciously ignoring.

"oh hello, I'd forgotten you"

come in...

shuteye

I slept slept slept in today.

When I woke up it was ridiculously close to 2pm.  I didn't care, I wanted to go back to sleep.  I was having wonderful dreams about old friends and new adventures.  I was happy in the warm little microcosm of my fluffy fluffy bed.

damn this cruel cruel world and all it's harsh realities.  I had to take my final and be to work by 4.  Against all odds I made it to work, all huffa chuffa and barely on time just so I could stand around all night.

pbbt... hurry up and wait indeed.

Now that all of this scholastic nonsense is behind me I endeavor to do as little as possible for as long as possible without becoming a total waste.  I want to open my business... I can't do it now though.  I mean look at the state of the economy.  It would be nothing short of suicide.

I can do some other things in the meantime however.  I want to take a spanish class, maybe two if my head doesn't explode after the first one.  My kitchen spanish is pretty good.  My conversational spanish es mas y menos basura caliente.  my how I do try though.

gesundheit

rhino virus + septum piercing = -fun

cookin' for christmas

okay, so I haven't been writing.

okay, okay.

I apologize.  Now can we move on?

I've been working on finishing up my class that I have plenty of complaints about, so I won't go into that.  Suffice it to say that I just took my last quiz after I turned in my final project and before I take my final.

yea, i know, makes no sense.

Christmas is creeping up and I actually have most of my xmas shopping done already, which is ripping a hole in the space-time continuum.  

My older sister is finally living close enough with her family to spend a Christmas with us, which is really nice.  Our tiny little family hasn't been all together for a holiday for a long time.  

Suji and Craig are both coming into town from their respective states, and even though everyone seems to be broke, we've all managed to buy or make gifts for each other without breaking the proverbial pig shaped bank.

These are all things I'm pretty happy about.

My friends that have been having tough times (some of them) seem to be tossing off their dark shrouds and rejoining the living and we have a fun 50's theme xmas party to go to this weekend.  Those two statements are not related and I am aware of that.  haha.

In regards to the party I was freaking a little 'cause I had to come up with an outfit becoming of a lady living in the feminine 50's, which is, by my own admission, a bit of a stretch for me.

I wanted to don a cutesy housewife dress a la faux rockabilly but the dresses online and at the vintage shops were retarded expensive, not even counting the accessories.

I resolved to plunge into the inky depths of the local consignment stores and find the ensemble of my dreams and in the vein of the christmas spirit I actually managed to find my entire outfit (purse and belt included) in a matter of a few hours.  A christmas miracle!

dress $6

belt $6

shoes $0 (I already have the perfect peek-toes)

purses $2.50 (yes 2! I couldn't decide but who has to at $1.25 a pop)

not ending this list with "priceless", priceless.

o listen to me go on!  I sound like one of those kitschy fashion hooers that like to babble about lipgloss and shoes.  Well, I'm trying to get into character so I guess I better brush up on my small talk and learn how to bake some decent fucking cookies.

...and of course I will take a picture of myself in a dress, because let's face it, it's a pretty monumental event and I do clean up nice.

merry shui-mas

CLEAN!

waaahhhhhoooooooo...

hahahahahaha, no it's not really that exciting but it does really feel good.  

It's like it changes the energy in the space around what's clean.  seriously.  feng shui style.

I spent a good amount of time going through the coat and linen closets and threw away a HUGE garbage bag full of shiznit.  Now, every time I walk down the hallway I feel good.  I feel like smiling.

As much as I dislike hippies I really am a big believer in feng shui.  it just makes sense, psychologically.  house and personal effects in order = peace.

makes sense to me...

'course I'm drunk.

I'm making chicken stock right now.  with chicken feet in it.  it makes me giggle because I'm a sick individual.  somehow my mind makes the leap from chicken foot to human foot and all I think is flavor.  hahahahahahahhahahaahha MWAH HAHA ....oh  ahem... excuse me.

there's a motion sensitive homer simpson santa in the kitchen.  I keep forgetting it's there.  it's fucking hilarious.  it sings and talks and shit.   

you should come over.  if only to witness homer's charm and wit.

Vicki?  you wanna come have christmas with us this year?  xmas eve.  food and shtuffffff.  I promise I'll be drunk and make inappropriate comments about your clothes in front of your kids.

o! and my neices will be here... 7ish and 13ish.

down in mouth

I have a friend that is hurting and in a lonely place.

I feel for him because I have been in his shoes before and it's awful awful awful and he was probably my only real friend at that time.

ew.  I hate it.

He's on drugs now though and drugs make everything better, always, so I think he's gonna be okay.  I should still visit him though and make sure he hasn't tried to hang himself with the phone cord.  

Actually I'm not sure he has a LAN line so maybe he would hang himself with his bed sheets or slice his wrists with something unconventional, like a toaster.  I wonder if that's possible, if it was, and if he did, he would get kudos for originality but I would still be sad about it.

impressed, but still sad.

tacos de pescado y punta banda

well... I'm back from Mexico.

Our trip was awesome but not particularly eventful.  The idea really was to just hang around on the beach.

The houses we rented were awesome and obviously extremely nice compared to the surrounding area.

You can check out our house here.

We had two other houses, all next door to each other so it was nice to have all that room.

It wasn't warm, and it rained a few times, but the view was spectacular and just being on the beach with the briny breezes was enough to liven up my senses.

With the exception of a few fishermen on the beach outside the doors of our rented houses there were no other people to speak of.  An occasional dog.  One jogger or strolling couple every few hours, maybe.  That was it, we pretty much had the beach to ourselves.

There were 10 of us. We drank drank drank and had a pretty awesome time just laughing at nothing... singing, making fun of each other. Thanksgiving dinner was delicious and full of martinis and wine and snoozy woozy heads after stuffing our bellies.

On the 2nd or 3rd day a group of fisherman were attempting to drag in their net with their catch for the day.  Some of the boys helped out and were rewarded with a couple tuna.  We made delicious ceviche with them.  It was pretty cool to see the fishes dragged in.  There was also a sting ray that shawn saved with an oar and deposited back into the ocean, but not after a few pics were captured by yours truly.

The boys and fishers collected all the flopping fishes and plunked them into a pile.

I began to harbor dreams of buying a beach house in a remote village like this one and fishing for my dinner.  Maybe I could barter with the locals for tacos (we found an amazing fish taco place down the street from our house) or tamales.  That would be the fucking life.  really.

I have no problem living that far away from civilization.  There is, after all, one bar in town, that's all I need.

  

I spent an entire afternoon taking pictures on the beach by myself.  I was sad to find that I couldn't put them on shawn's laptop even after re-formatting the disc before I took the pics. I'm hoping that they will miraculously appear when I attempt to input them into my own computer.  Rest assured I will obsess until I've exhausted every avenue.  I remember that i got them off with no little effort after my last trip but I can't remember how I did it.

I shouldn't be up.  I know I say that a lot but I've just gotten home @1:30ish after being on the road since 10am, I should be exhausted.  I shouldn't have drank that coffee.

stupid.

hm... what else?  We did a little off-roading in shawn's xterra.  It was his first opportunity to shift into 4wd so that was exciting.  We were in a tiny po-dunk town called Punta Banda.  It was poor, people just doing whatever they could to get by.  All but one restaurant was a tiny shanty on the side of the road.  Most with no seats to speak of.  Most spoke no english.  My kitchen spanish came in handy.

There was a small village on the other side of the hill.  We were warned not to drive there or back after dark or we would DIE.  

seriously.  

The village was called La Bufadora.  Everyone there was very nice, not dangerous in any way, just the driving is fucking psychotic after dark, best not to chance it.

We bought some Oaxacan ceramics, insanely cheap.  We got an amazing handmade and painted sink for $50.  It's beautiful.  We also bought a few other things for family and what-have-you. 

We're poor with yet another trip coming up so we'll save those gifts and give them for Christmas so we don't have to break the bank.  I don't think Shawn and I are going to buy gifts for each other this year.  It'll just make things easier.  

I'm trying to will myself into sleepiness as I type this.  It's nearly 5am and relaxation is just out of reach.  I feel wired.

sleep will eventually come...

so good night for now friends.

viva la meh-hee-co

So today marks my last day of work before embarking on my vacation from life for the proverbial gluttony of the masses.

We don't actually leave until saturday night but I always make sure I take off one day before and after any trips I take just to get my factions in order.

I'm old and it makes me insane crazy to rush myself into or out of anything travel-ly.

There are a good amount of us going, we're forging our caravans into ensenada and onward to our houses that we rented for the week.  This has been months in the making and I really hope it proves to be a relaxing yet lecherous advent.

To those of you deep frying/baking/bbqing turkey on the home front I hope you enjoy the lazy bloated holiday in front of the madden turkey bowl or t.v event of your choice, or better yet, the enjoyment of friends and family without the distraction of modern mediums.

I'll be thinking of you, so think of me thinking of you (or some equivalent of aforementioned brain activity)

look, no hands...

There is absolutely no good reason I should still be up @ 4:30am, and no reason at all that I should be blogerating when I should be sleeperating.

I've been working on le business plan that will most certainly wow the granny panties off my professor (I'm pretty sure he wears women's garments under his clothes, he'll tell you it's for comfort but don't believe it.) and potential investors.  

It's actually pretty kick ass.  It's fun and interesting for a presentation if I do say so myself.  I have a partner but she hasn't done a lick of work on it.  okay, she did scribble down some notes, but since I already had all that info it wasn't helpful in the least.  So even though I should be annoyed that she hasn't done any work on our final project, I'm not.  

I'm not annoyed because I feel a sense of pride that "look mommy I can do it all by myself"... 

which is funny because my partner just happens to be my mother.  

power points to this (obscene finger gesture)

Well the time has come where I have to begin preparing my final project to my business class.

The project is a business plan that must be presented in Power Point.

Why I capitalized the name is a mystery, since it seems to be a nod of respect, I should go back and fix it but I won't.

I've never used the program before.  never.

In all actuality it's not that difficult to navigate, but it is time consuming to say the least.  It is also an angry little program that desperately wants my spinal cord to deteriorate and crumble, creating tiny piles of rubble on the floor around my desk.

I spend hours working on it, only to look up from my endeavors to discover that I have completed only two measly slides.

*sigh*  *save*

It must be done by the end of the week, there's no way in hell I'm working on it in Mexico.

I'm pretty sure homework and lobster tacos by the beach are completely and totally incompatible.  I'm positive that my computer will turn into a Decepticon and engage a fight to the death, Thunder dome style with my margarita.  A fight that my mellow, delicious-flavored alcoholic friend will most certainly perish in.

I musn't do this.  He is, after all, totally defenseless.

misplaced birds

I have (had) the day off today.

I had stuff to do, aka chores, homework, etc. but decided to fuck it all off in favor of lying about and reading comics, watching hospital dramas on t.v. and... well, that's pretty much it.

o!  I had a dentist appointment this morning, so that's exciting.

I'm on a diet this week and have been stuffing my face with veg and fruit for a few days now. I just "splurged" on a baked potato and now I'm wishing I hadn't. My body hasn't had to work this hard to digest food in a few days and is pretty pissed at me right now. ugh.

anyhoo...

I had a really weird dream the other night that I was walking through the woods or through a clearing of some sort and a bird landed on my finger and starting singing. Somehow it later turned into a baby. I took care of it for awhile and then I must've misplaced it or something because then she just wasn't around anymore.

hm.
sounds about right.

"Excuse me, has anyone seen my child? 

No? 

Alright then.  no, don't worry about it...   

I can grow another one".

better late than...

Maybe a bit late... okay late.

But I have a really good excuse.  It's so good in fact that I won't even tell you what it is because then you'd only want to bite my style and use it yourself.

Anyhoo, here are some pics from Halloween.  I don't have a lot, I think most were taken on Shawn's camera but here are a couple...

o! in case you can't tell we are Nightmare Before Christmas peeps.

I made these from freakin' scratch.  I made my dress and wig.  I also made Shawn's flip-top head and brain, from liquid latex, papier-mâché, and misc.

Shawn also had a wheelchair to make his transformation complete.  When I get those pics I'll update.

Shawn wanted to be able to scratch his brain. 

What baby wants, baby gets...

Neverender and the Kill Audio pictures that could have come out clear

After an extraordinary week in Hollywood I am home and... utterly depressed that I have to face real life again.

I spent the week creaming myself at the Neverender shows, sweating in swampy crowds, fevered with rocking out on the most supreme of levels.  No black eye this time but I did spend hours on end smelling other people's rancid farts and suffering through it so I could rock out to the "The Suffering".

Jon and I left tuesday night, stopped in San Luis Obispo and stayed with Ricky for the night. Was really nice to see him and it's awesome to know that he is going to be a huge success one day, something most of us failed to do with our own lives.

The next day we headed into Hollywood, checked into our Motel 6 that we expected to be a total dump, but we were pleasantly surprised.  It was actually very clean and aside from the fact that it didn't have a fucking hairdryer in the room (fuckfuckfucking pissed me off) it did have other amenities that these kind of budget slums don't usually have.

The shows were phenomenal, although we did hear a lot of the same songs over and over with encores and all, I understand why the did it, not everyone could go all 4 nights.  I won't complain about that but I could've done without the Coheed fanatic down the hall who blared them all week despite the fact that we were seeing their live shows every night we were there.

We found an awesome little place on Hollywood Blvd. called Snow Whites.  A tiny hole in the wall with $10 burger, fries, pint lunch specials and $7 32 oz. mugs of beer.  Delish.  We went there a few times and talked dreamily of how great it would be if there was only a place like this in Napa.  After a couple beers larger than your head you start to have fun conversations about how you're gonna open a place just like it...  even though the likelihood of that ever happening is totally bogus.

We met a few people from other areas, down for the shows.

First we met Brandon.

We were standing next to him at the back railing.  Jon and I both had merch and weren't really sure what to do with it.  We stashed it past the railing, between us and the soundboard, no one could get to it unless they chopped us down, and even then they'd have to know it was there.  

Brandon had a Kill Audio figure, I asked him if he wanted to stash it...

After hanging out with him for most of the show we found out that he was coming to all four by himself, so we resolved to meet up each night.  He turned out to be a regular fixture and a really fun guy.

Jon met some guy that we called Gus all week ( I think his real name was Ricardo??) and another guy and his swedish girlfriend in the hall at the motel.  They too became regulars in our retarded posse and we all effectively poisoned ourselves with alcohol and greasy food all week while kicking the shit out of ourselves at the shows every night.

We also met up with JoelOne,

but he was staying at a hotel a few metro stops away and hanging with some antisocial weird dudes so we only saw him at the shows.

On Saturday Jon, Brandon and myself went to Munky King for the Kill Audio signing.  

(Side note:  Brandon lived only 20 mins away so after buying a KA figure the first night, he left it at home so he had to buy another one for the signing.  On top of that he really wanted a limited edition gun metal figure, 7 sold at each show, and ended up getting one.  All told he spent $170 on KA figures alone.)  This was one of the highlights of the trip.  We all met Claudio and got our figures signed and took pics with him.  John reminded me multiple times that his beautiful fiance Chonny Chondra called him a "sweetie".  Apparently he was in her way and she needed to get by him.  haha.  (Chonny, I wonder if you reverse stalk me?  hmmm...)

My picture is blurry, as are all of the pics I had Brandon take because boys are effen retarded and John insisted on being in my pic with me instead of just waiting for me to get his figure signed. *SIGH* So the only pics that came out clear are the ones I took, which obviously don't have me in them. I will be eternally full of regret for this sad sad moment in history.

Regardless, I got to meet him and shake his hand and get my figure signed.  I also got to scope out the woman that is taking my rightful place next to his side.  haha.  He was very nice and polite, he also seemed a little shy which I found endearing.

mk.  long long blog?

yea.  The point is, the week rocked.  The shows rocked.  Claudio rocks.  

inappreciable, insignificant, little, nonessential, small, trivial, unimportant and unsubstantial

I just feel like it... cuz.

There are many activities going on around the home-front, which is why I haven't been writing lately.  Tonight I find myself with ample energy, energy that has no direction, so I will vomit my thoughts all over you and hope that you'll hold my hair back.

what random things have been taking up my mind space and time:

hallow'een, is numero uno.  I have been spending way too much time on our costumes, which are, as I speak (type) still not finished.

work, which seems to interfere at every turn.

getting drunk and doing fun shit, obviously

school, I have to actually do my homework and take my tests if I want to pass this class in order to reach a lofty goal. (I have an A so far)

cleansing my body before I indulge in all things disgusting and hedonistic.

this may not sound like a lot but when you factor in sleep and eating, showering, etc. it can take up most of your life.

getting ready for neverender and my road trip to LA with good friend John is also on the agenda, as well as planning for my trips to Mexico and Belize.

omg.  i just realized that this is all crap that is totally and completely uninteresting to outside parties.

eject.

over n out.

gay beef

I have been disgustingly truant, and for that, I apologize.

In my (semi) drunken state I have become increasingly guilty as time progresses and so I have decided tonight that I will confront the hilarious issue of man-love.

Now I am not in any way referring to the special kind of "real" man-love.  I'm talking about the ridiculous charade that goes on between heterosexual men, especially in the workplace.

This is something I observe on a regular basis, and to me it's become something of a quandary.

Every restaurant I've ever worked in is rampant in this arena, even if they no longer work together.  

excerpt:

*male co-worker gently caressing other male co-worker's arm*  "what are you doing later baby?"

"Oh, I was just waiting for you so I could give you a hot beef injection later tonight sweetie buns".

seriously?

Women do not engage in this ridiculous behavior.  We indulge in plain-speak, something men know nothing about.  We say what we mean, and this is somehow something that men consider to be in another language.  

You say. "please vacuum the floor today".  

He hears, "please go to the titty bar and come home drunk".

maybe there is something lost in translation.

But if a man says, "Hey baby you would look hot in a mini, lemme rub your thighs..."  This somehow means, "We're buddies dooood, can you please pick up the slack while I drain the lizard?", and his fake moan thereafter is a resounding YES.

hm.  somehow I think that if I said this to my girls they would either slowly back away towards the door or laugh hysterically in my face.  

The latter being the more probable.

wiggin' out

omg wigs.

they suck,  and yet every year (almost) I insist on wearing one for halloween.

they make me unbearably hot because lets face it it's still 100 degrees in october if you happen to be unfortunate enough to live in california.  (YES!  I said it).  they itch, they get caught in shit, they slip off and they never look quite right.

but I MUST wear one of these ridiculous things because I just don't feel that my transformation is complete without one.

This year i have to wear one because the costume dictates it, but as god hates me I couldn't find the right one, even though I've seen the exact one I need every year for the last 10 years at the halloween store but now that I need it, it's not there.  

I found one that was perfect, except that it was the wrong color.  I thought to myself that I would simply dye it.  But I am retarded because you cannot dye nylon yarn.  It simply will not do a god damned thing to it.

big fat waste of time.

so a friend suggested I use that colored hair spray stuff on it, which I tried but it just didn't go very far.  at $3 a bottle, by the time it was finished I would've spent 4x what I spent on the fucking wig.

So since I am a genius, i decided I would simply spray paint it.

stop laughing.

It actually worked pretty well except that it smells like shit and I'm not entirely sure that anything I do to it will change that.  Even if I do get it just right I'm still gonna have to add a bunch more of the correct colored yarn.

fuck it.

I think I'm just gonna make my own...

Hallowe’en

Whew! *wipes arm across sweaty brow*

After two days of braving the elements (I have chapped lips to prove it!), I am finally done decorating Vicki's and my own front yard for Halloweeeeeeeen!!!  EE hEE hee hEE

It just so happens that my lovely friend also has the most lovely halloween decorating tool known to man or beast.

This tool, is... (drum roll please...)

a webcaster gun.

This handy dandy little tool of wonder is essentially a hot glue gun that you hook up to an air compressor.  

hm... curious.

This contraption makes the coolest, most realistic spiderwebs I have ever seen.  Oh my fucking god (omfg), I went ape-shit on my house with that thing.

I spent yesterday putting up my tombstones for my cemetery.  

The tombstones that you buy always come with the flimsiest, most retarded little plastic nubs that are somehow supposed to not only make it through the concrete-like clay soil in my front yard, but withstand winds of up to, i don't know... 1 mile an hour.  It fails miserably at both of these tasks.

This year I took a note from V's book and used wooden stakes and then just glued the fuckers to them.  This works fantastically.  It also filled the flesh of my hands up with an infinitesimal amount of tiny angry splinters.  Add that to wind-chapped and over-washed hands and you have bloody stumps that explode little satchels of blood and spit putrescence out at you as you pass.

After getting this all set up I move onto to the painstaking, but totally kick ass, process of web-slinging.  The house looks ghoulishly spooktaculer, and my stubs o' meat also have fucking boils on them now from the hotter than hell ever wanted to be glue gun from hell.  

Did I mention it was a filthy angry bastard from hell?

rip my eyelashes out one at a time and then punch me in the va-jay-jay

I'm ready to light myself on fire and then punch myself in the face.

I'd say I'm ready to rip my hair out but I feel it just doesn't get my point across well enough.

The hubby rolled and subsequently sprained his ankle with possible tendon damage, we spent all morning in the ER.  He's hobbling around on crutches now with a swollen foot, so I'm trying to help him as much as I can.

I'm starving but am so goddamn irritated that I can't even bring myself to think about food, let alone actually make some for myself.

The bipolar voices in my head are positively screaming and the cat just took a giant dump in the cat box, which smells divine, and then puked all over the kitchen.

On top of it, my quiz link for my online class is broken and my professor, via email, insists that it's not, even though I'm sure he hasn't bothered to check it or he would find that I am 100% right and that it's inaccessible.  

On top of that it's the last day to take the damn thing and I wasn't able to take it before because the lecture video was fucked up all week and no one could watch it to study what was going to be on the quiz.  I also have to work very soon, and I need to shower.  By the time I get off work, the quiz definitely will not be available so I am effectively fucked right up the goat ass.

Tomorrow morning bright and early I have jury duty.  Promptly following this I will have a very annoying wine tasting at work which will be closely followed by my shift.

I hate everything and I want the whole world to burn to the fucking ground right now, but I'd settle for a giant delicious meal and a whiskey.

god hates me

o i got jokes

I cannot help but notice that my last few yammerings have been utterly fucking snooze-a-rama.

bo-ring.

I apologize for that.  I will try to liven things up a bit.

how about a joke?

okay, okay... haha, this one is my favorite.

what's the difference between a hooker and an onion?

I don't cry when I chop up a hooker.

murky meditations

I hate it when I go out and have a great time, and then wake up hung over.

Maybe not even hung over, not sick or anything, but tired and fuzzy and like I can't focus on anything quite intently enough.

Hence, my day is wasted, at least in the sense that I can't do anything truly productive that requires my brain.  Also I feel like I cannot remember the prior evenings events as clearly as I would like to.  I know what I did and everything, I just don't remember it clearly and maybe little bits are missing... like leaving the bar.  

hm... don't remember that part, but clearly I did.

this is as annoying to me as the night was fun, so obviously I cannot be expected to give it up but I wish there was another way sometimes...

fuck.  why does whiskey have to taste so good?

measure my days

my schedule this week has been, well, wonky.

I already keep strange hours and have the tendency to forget what day it is. But now my boss wants to really fuck me up by changing my work schedule and it's been kind of exciting.

no need to point out that it's altogether pathetic that I find this turn of events exciting.

but it has been.  I feel like I haven't really worked this week at all, when the truth is that I'm working the exact amount of days and hours that I always do.  this mix-it-up spicy thing is quite the pick-me-up.

so now after working all week when I've felt like I haven't worked at all, I have another day off tomorrow.  yay!

I will spend it with friends watching front men puke on their fans and catching up on some reading.

that's right... after agonizing weeks of not being able to buy comics I finally went and spent my whole allowance (ugh, budgets suck) on some comics I needed.

observe...

Watchmen, something that's been on my to-read list for ages

last two issues of Amory War, a total staple and necessity

latest Dark Tower.  lovely

and last but definitely not least, the new comic out based on Stephen Kings, The Stand.  issue 1 of 5, Captain Tripps.    this makes me so goddamn happy... and one of my favorite things about Flying Colors, after you spend 25 bones they give you a free mixi-pak o' comics.  I haven't even looked to see what's in it yet.

o!!  I can't forget that Haas loaned me 2, 3 and 4 of Preacher because I only have the first one and every time I go to the comic shop they never have 2!  I simply CAN NOT read 3 or 5 or any other issue before I read 2.  It is just impossible.

I'm sorry but I do not make the rules you know.

Peter Roget and the Thesaurusbrontus Rex

who ever created the thesaurus (peter roget) is a goddamn genius and it's time I shouted my love for him from the mountain tops.

Painful gropers the world round will testify to it's usefulness even though they probably won't because the whole purpose of a thesaurus is to make yourself look as though you don't need one.

"Thesaurus stands somewhere between pornography and Brodie's Notes on the embarrassment scale. Possession implies use. Use implies need. Need implies deficiency, whether of sexual partners, revision time or words. In the case of Roget, no one wants to admit to being dumb."
this is what "they" say. whoever "they"is...

I will admit. the thesaurus is, and has been my indispensable tool since college. once I discovered that there were words out there to describe what I really meant I swooned.

fucking beautiful.

rub together noisily

sometimes I grind my teeth.
mostly when I'm sleeping but I find myself doing it while I'm awake sometimes too.

My mouth, and particularly my teeth are displeased with my choices and behavior.

Last month I chipped my back molar, and the month before that I felt something weird on my tooth so I scraped it off because it wasn't coming off easy and it was a piece of my fucking tooth. all this because I can't control my anxiety and fervor. even when I'm sleeping.

It's like the Cat Williams stand-up. The part where he talks about nuggas being hard. "damn nugga, you angry at breakfast?"
yup. that's me. well, my mouth anyway.

It makes my jaw hurt too.

I was doing good for awhile but now it's back in full tilt boogie. I should probably start wearing my tard-guard again but it's uncomfortable and it makes me drool on myself, or my husband if he's unlucky enough to be in the orbit of my slaver.

truly, what is to become of me?

am I to live an empty life of fashion, pique and salivation?

will I be accosted by the reality of my pathetic life without the aforementioned disturbers?

yikes.
I wish slobber was gold.. haha, then I wouldn't have to worry about the stupid piece of paper that stands in for the bullion.

skitzo indeed

I recently ran into an old friend...
I probably haven't seen him in about 10ish years.

we had a few drinks, a few chuckles. it was good to see him.

anyhoo, to get to the heart of the matter, he told me his band was playing this weekend at the phoenix and that I should come.

okay.

today I jumped online to check out the specifics and followed the links to check this band out. I wanted to see what it was all about, what I should expect. the only information I had received so far was "old school heavy metal".

so please go here to see the kookiness I stumbled upon.

live and let I say but WOW, and I don't mean world of warcraft people...

whiskey a-don't-go

The bar scene in Napa is suddenly reminding me that in comparison to the regular clientele in these places, I am ancient.  

During the week all is well and good, but then the weekend arrives and just like that this sleepy town vomits 20 somethings that resemble 12 year olds.

There's something disturbing about girls that look that young dressing like skanks and peddling their asses.  ew.

I feel uncomfortable, slightly annoyed and mentally superior all at once.

stupid kids. 

They're not all ridiculous, but they mostly are and all of the sudden the karaoke scene in the next room looks particularly inviting.

20 minutes and 3 whiskeys later I'm belting out "lost that lovin' feelin" duet style with an old friend.

haha, sometimes it's fun to be "old".

havok unleashed

I have a good friend that I will endearingly refer to as my "crazy" friend.

she and I are crazy in the same way, so we get each other even though no one else really does.

She told me not to make any important decisions from September 24 to October 15.

"why?"  

"because", she replied, ever so calmly, "mercury is going into retrograde and it affects your sign particularly badly"

so I looked it up tonight because this morning my mind was a goddamn pigsty.  My emotional capacity was easily overloaded by random remarks and even though I was making really good progress restraining my homicidal tendencies, I now had decided that life would be easier if I just started picking people off and hiding them in the crawl space with a few buckets of lye.

the following is a summary of what this god forsaken planet is doing to me, all because it wants to spice it up by walking backwards.

"On the day Mercury stations retrograde at 22+° Libra, it will square the Moon in its own sign at 28+° Cancer.

Stephen Arroyo delineates the energies of the Moon in Cancer thus:

Reacts with sensitivity (sometimes over-sensitivity) and with protectiveness (towards self and others)
Feels secure when nurturing and being nurtured by others
Natural sense of timing and ability to tune in to intuition and emotional subtleties
Extremely sensitive to moods and reactions of others; often at the mercy of one’s own moods
Can be over-protective of emotions; strong memory of past emotions is retained forever, still coloring attitudes toward present situations (58)..."

more of this balderdash here.

despite my balder-dashy comment though I can't help but notice that it is eerily striking me close to the home front.  I'm not entirely convinced that I picked the correct excerpt to convey this accurately, but then, that's exactly what this retrograde is supposed to do, make me sound stupid and not be able to communicate myself clearly.

the way today went I should probably stock up on food and call in sick til the 15th of next month.  I get the notion that a heavy, solid, sturdy object seemingly falling from nowhere could quite possibly cave in my dome on any given sunday.

stupid planet

say cheese

I am a server in a trendy little restaurant.

I don't know if you knew this about me...

One of the ridiculous and degrading tasks that people like to set before me is to take their picture.

Now, I have no problem taking your picture over your totally gluttonously ruined table.

What I do have a problem with is how every single one of you fuckers tells me to "just hit the big button on the top right"

really?

really.

Apparently no-one has bothered to take note of the fact that every fucking camera that has been manufactured over the last 20 years at least has this exact same function.

Has no one else on this planet noticed that all of these new-fangled contraptions works in exactly the same way?

Does no one hear the echoing redundancy through the hills when they utter these words?

It's the equivalent of handing a fork to someone and then telling them to poke food with it and vehicle it into your face.

no shit.

44

My dream last night was a happy dream. In fact when I woke up this morning I was hoping to get back to it when I fell back asleep.

I think I did, but I can't be sure.

The contents of the dream are not entirely important I don't think, except the awesome feeling of balance, harmony and happiness. There was also a number involved.

44

The dream itself was pretty lineal, each event being followed by a fairly logical step thereafter.

The number, however, sort of came out of nowhere but I knew it was an important aspect.

I told myself to remember the number so that I could research the relevance when I woke up.

44 : order and organization.

balanced, even, symmetrical.

a square cube or box. (octahedral number)

apparently 44 is a tribonacci number (which means it is complete) and a happy number.

I didn't know any of this stuff about this number until today which is why it is so interesting that it should fit in so perfectly with my happy little dream.

The picture I posted with this blog is from archive page 44. I like it and it makes me feel at peace and a little sleepy.

hm.

houston, I have a problem...

I am Saya and I am addicted to jigsaw puzzles.

really.

really sad.

My habit is up to 3-4 a week, and not that weak shit either, we're talking the heavy stuff with many pieces.

My addiction is causing headaches due to eyestrain and a fat ass from sitting on my tucus for hours on end.

I know I should stop but...

I wish I was addicted to something constructive and healthy, like jogging or eating buckwheat noodles.  maybe I could be one of those weird health nuts that meditates three times a day and uses saline pots to clean out their sinuses.  

Instead I am a weird cat lady that hangs around her house all day wearing her robe, assembling puzzles and watching trashy daytime dramas.  The only thing I'm missing is the ability to chain smoke all day long and survive solely off of microwaved burritos.

maybe I should get out more.

*chuckle*

take a nap and zen fire ze missiles

I am so exhausted lately.

I have the to-do's on the mental list multiplying like bunny rabbits while I'm not paying attention.

I tell them no "under the covers" but those bastards won't listen and the more the chores pile up the less inclined I am to do them.

Now, the basics are covered.  It's not like I'm wallowing in my own filth or anything.  I mean, I do clean myself...

But the rest of the stuff... writing, laundry, sewing my halloween costume, making food, exercising, moving around... it's all too similar to Mt. Everest.

The problem as I see it is that my cats are extraordinarily inconsiderate.  All they care about is themselves.  

me, me, me.  

gimme, gimme, gimme.

It doesn't matter what time of day or night it is, those little beasts will wait until my eyes are finally closing and then do something to wake me up and torture me.

They're like the little monsters in "Cat's Eye" that steal you're breath while you sleep.

mi gatitas es muy mala

It's all well and good for them to sleep all over the goddamn place, even on my black clothes that I have to wear to work tonight.

 

Go ahead you filthy tyrants, apparently I work for you now...

heuristics

Everyone has dreams, aspirations, ambitions...

Mine is to one day open a comic shop.  The hope is that this will happen sooner rather than when I'm too old to lift stuff.

In order to realize my goals I am taking a business class, and because I am too lazy and too busy to actually drag my sorry ass to an honest-to-goodness teaching environment, I am taking an on-line class.

In all actuality it is much more like an actual class than I had believed, and I was a little shocked and impressed by this.  What I am also shocked by, (but not at all impressed by) is people's inability to spell any fucking thing correctly.  My fellow classmates' assignment posts read like remedial exercises that no one bothered to proof read.

It's fucking atrocious and I am embarrassed for you.

excerpt:

"This artile says to me, that good business ethics can manifest itself in the form of environmental awareness. Bussinesses all over the world are jumping in on the "Green" band waggon, implementing different ways of going green or at least education their employees to be more environmentally concious. I see this as good business ethics. In a capitalist situation, where the individual is profiting from the business, and some of the resources that business uses, is the environment around the business, it is only right that that business respect the environment."

Now call me crazy but... 

This article is for a class.  When I post my own articles I proof read my thoughts on said article, to make sure there are no spelling errors and to make sure it makes sense.  In this tiny sample I can find four misspelled words and a few sentences that just don't make sense.  This is also a very common thing in this class, I didn't even pick the worst one I could find, and this isn't even the entire reply.

The super sad part of this is that this person is obviously not stupid, I can see the rationale begging for attention.

But alas, you just made yourself look stupid and now there is no going back.

At the very least, you have made the statement that you just don't care enough and cannot possibly be bothered to hit the little "spellcheck" button.

This leads me to believe that you are extra slothful and lazy.  This in turn manifests itself in mental thoughts and images that I wish I could stab my mind's eye out for.

example: I bet this person doesn't even wipe his ass very well, he's clearly not meticulous at any rate.  ew, I can imagine the shit stain on his boxers.  His side of the bed probably smells like stale poo and sweaty ball sac.  God, I can practically smell it now, I think I feel unwell...

do you see how quickly it spirals out of control???

I swear, some people just have no regard for others ability to make themselves sick with others actions (or lack thereof).

all-overs

It's official.

One or more of my personalities has a sick obsession with Claudio Sanchez.

I had a dream about him last night... and it isn't the first.

To be fair, he could have worse people dreaming about him.  I'm not outwardly strange.  If I am a stalker I'm a particularly lazy one so he needn't worry there.

If I met him I wouldn't try to smell him or rub myself on him.  I'm pretty sure I could conduct myself quite normally in his presence, I just have these dreams about him.

The first time he had children with him and was mowing my lawn.

weird huh?

I thought so, especially since he's the only man I would cheat on my husband with.

But last night I thought I was finally getting into the good stuff.  

He appears in my dream, normal situation, and then suddenly walks into my bedroom naked.

The chemical impulse draws us into each other arms...  our lips meet passionately... and then...

nuthin'.

One of my other personalities hijacked my dreams and booted him out.  The next thing I know I'm dreaming about some totally lame, mundane thing like washing dishes or brushing my teeth.

thanks a lot brain.

thanks for nuthin'

witless cretin

I spent the better part of an evening posting a totally amusing blog about a topic I will not divulge just in case I muster up the motivation to do it again.

The problem, as it were, is that I am retarded.

It seems that I am incapable of mastering this obviously sophisticated (more so than myself, apparently) blogger program.

I don't know why but for some reason I am not able to copy and paste things where I would like them to go, especially pictures.

My post was such a hot mess last night that I had to restart it more than a couple times and in the process completely lost the too-long-to-start-over blog.

le sigh.

I feel like a water-head and this is not congruous with my desire to appear intellectually superior.

I need to figure this out.

I will figure this out...  (oh yes, she will be mine...)

woolgathering

I  had another kooky dream last night.

They shut the whole goddamn downtown area down for labor day, (or some other obscure holiday that everyone else always seems to know about but me) blocked off all the parking, and the big huzzah was to be a movie at the theatre.  

My mother and family were there.  I was panged by feelings that I wasn't being entirely included in the hullabaloo and people were seizing in the street.  Grand Mals followed by cars splashing puddles into their very unfortunate eyes.

At one point I pushed a taxi driver to the ground and kicked him mercilessly for cutting me off and almost hitting my boiler (or car if you didn't catch the last post).  The kicking part made me happy by appeasing some sick bloodthirsty part of my psyche.

At another point I suspected an intruder, freaked the fuck out and "escaped" out the garage door only to discover that the interloper was a case of bottled water.

seriously?

the icing on this dreamy cake?

the movie was a re-run 

chicago overcoat

I always wanted a friend that could quip in retro 20's, 30's, hardboiled, etc. slang.

Not only did I want a friend like that, I wanted to BE that friend.  

I wanted to be the girl that says stuff like, "Hey there, hep-cat, don't get all cheesed over the boondoggle.  Let's go futz around at the speak-easy, maybe have a go-around with the nibcocked modocs..." and so on and so forth.

In point of fact, I have tried several times to meet this lofty goal and all I get for my troubles are blank stares.  

I playfully call my gal-pal a "roundheels".  She replies, "huh?".

I say, "Now you're on the trolley!".  She asks, "what trolley?  wait.  what?"

I tells ya it takes all the darb out when no cat or bim picks up what yer putting down.

the self titled album debuts

I have been blogging forever.

Before I knew what a blog was I was dishing out uncertainties on my word processor (gasp!) in an effort to more readily access them at a later date.

The idea was that I would write these things, very smart and wittily, and then forget about them.

Later, say 10 years or so, I would stumble upon this literary treasure and remember the old times while simultaneously appreciating how funny and dapper I was (am).

Myspace has, up until this point, been the dumping ground for my belles lettres and now my friends I believe it is time for the proverbial branching out...